Anyone that has known me for any length of time probably knows that I’m a bit of a messed-up person…but recently, with the help of some good friends, I’ve think I’ve been moderately successful in turning some of the more self-destructive aspects of my personality around. Below, I’ve attempted to codify some of the most helpful techniques, both to help me focus on them, and in the hope that someone else out there will find them useful.
Cut Things Off Early
One of my biggest problems in the past has been that I’ll allow myself to get into a depressive sort of state, then wallow in it. I’ll know that I should try to snap myself out of it, talk to someone, do something…but for some reason I find myself unable to do so: For some reason I find myself enjoying the sensation of being in this mood (playing up my desire to see myself as the brooding Prince of Denmark or something, I guess).
In order to prevent this, I’ve started trying to catch myself when I start getting thinking whatever thought is catalyzing this mood, and immediately stop it before I get into a full-on state of depression. Thus far, just recognizing that this is what’s happening (i.e. that I’m getting close to heading down the path of conflicted internal madness) seems to be effective.
Wanting to Happy
Related to the above, one of the hardest things I found when trying to get myself out of the bad moods I’d find myself in was the fact that, while experiencing this feelings of depression and inner rage, was that I would convince myself that I didn’t want it to stop; that considering myself an inferior waste of oxygen is not only normal, but useful, something that I didn’t want stop.
This feeling, that depression is something that helps me, is something that I have felt for a while, and only recently really made any headway against it. You see, I have always felt that depression, feelings of inferiority, self-loathing, et cetera, where all extremely useful, as they provided constant motivation for me to improve, force myself to get better and everything. What I’ve come to realize, however, is that while it does help in some cases — I’ve found it especially efficacious for forcing myself to undergo a more strenuous workout at the gym — in general, for activities that require something beyond mere brute physical endurance, I’m far more effective when I feel good.
Acknowledging this (which, I must admit, took a couple sessions of therapy to get through) has made a huge difference to me and provides a valuable weapon in my battle: Whenever I feel on the brink of another episode, I recall that, if I really want to be productive, to be able to make things, then it behooves me to stay happy. And guess what, that actually works pretty well.
Liking Yourself
The biggest one: Just allowing myself to feel pride in my own accomplishments, allowing myself to be okay with who I am. Similar to the above, this was something I was really worried about doing, as I was concerned that this was tantamount to giving up on self-improvement, something which is very important to me. Of course, once I got my mind into a good place, I realized both that I can improve myself much more effectively when I’m happy and that self-improvement doesn’t have to be something that you only do because you fear dying alone; it can also be something that you just do because you enjoy it.
